History is shaped by our hands.

Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is in a world of hurt right now. Her husband is accused of cheating on her. He, of course, denies this. However, there's a bit of a wrench in things. His accuser claims that she can describe 'distinctive marks' on his penis. Woah, baby. That's why I'm happy to say that my penis looks just like everyone else's, albeit a bit small.

Also, some guy got access to Alyson Hannigan's dressing room in London on Saturday night, where she is currently starring in a stage production of "When Harry Met Sally." I swear to all of you that I was NOT in London on Saturday. I was right here in Wisconsin painting my bedroom. I have an alibi! I'm not guilty!