History is shaped by our hands.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to do this, but its worth a shot.

What's worth a shot?  The second half of that sentence doesn't really have anything to do with the first half.  Uggg.  That barely sense-making sentence was written 5 years ago today as part of my first blog entry ever on any site.  At the time I wouldn't have believed you if you'd told me that I'd still have this blog 5 years later and, with the exception of the last year, would have been updating it very consistently.  That sentence was meant as a way to cover my ass when I inevitably stopped after a week or two, much like everything else I had recently tried on the internet in the weeks leading up to that first post.

I never expected to write 1378 entries.  I never expected my friends to embrace my words this much.  I never expected complete strangers from around the world to become more important to me than many of the people I interact with in my daily life.  I never expected to meet one of my closest friends here.  I never expected to send gifts to and receive gifts from several of you.  I never expected to host a Mindsay-based radio show for over 3 years.  I never expected this blog to be such an important part of the 5 most important years of my life.

It's been no secret that I haven't been around here much the last year.  This is the inevitable transition after the last 5 years.  I used to require this blog to convey my thoughts.  I wasn't so good at sharing important feelings, even to my closest friends.  I don't really have that problem any more.  I'm more confident with myself and more open with those I love and trust.  A lot of things have happened over the last 5 years to get me to this point and this blog was no small part of it.

I don't really need to post entries here any more.  I can go right to my friends and talk about the important things now.  I no longer need to use this blog as a place to write, because I'm no longer afraid that no one will read my words unless they're here.  I write other places now and have even been paid to write other places.  So with that all in mind, this is likely my last entry here at Mindsay.  I'll still frequent the site and read your posts.  I may even comment, but I have no plans to write anything new here.  I may drop a link from time to time, but we'll see if that happens or not.  Probably not, as I have Twitter, Facebook, and other spots to publish things like that.

If you are one of my friends who have some way to contact me outside of Mindsay, someone who knows who AAP really is, and would like to see my Twitter, Facebook, etc, please use those other ways to contact me and I'll pass the links on to you.  If you do not have other means besides Mindsay to contact me, then please don't ask for those links in the comments.  My real name is associated with those other places and if you don't already know me, that's probably not going to change now.  For the most part, AllAroundPsycho is leaving Mindsay the same way he came in... anonymously.

It's been an amazing 5 years here.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that this blog, this community, has had a huge impact on me.  There were a lot of things over those 1827 days that contributed to me becoming the more confident man I am today, but the Mindsay community was certainly one of the more important (and surprising) ones.  I'm in debt to all of you that have read me, commented to me, or befriended me.

Thank you.

I'm in Florida right now visiting my family for the holidays.  On one of my flights down here, I noticed a young couple ahead of me.  I noticed several young couples that day, but they stood out from the others.  What attracted my eyes to them was the way she was looking at him.  Intense, playful, and full of adoration.  She was in love with him in a way that I'm unable to describe with words on a blog.  Very quickly I was a bit envious.  I wanted someone to look at me the same way she was looking at him.  I then realized that quite recently I did have someone look at me that way, but it wasn't a look I was able to return.  Unrequited.  It was unfortunate for both myself and the woman, but having been on her end of that exchange in the past, I know it was much worse for her.  That's not a vanity or ego-driven statement, but just the knowledge that comes from having loved someone that doesn't love you back.

On a somewhat related note... After a challenging breakup a while ago and a soul-crushing money-stealing ruse when I first attempted to rejoin the single's scene, I'm now officially back and dating again.  One of the things I've learned in my limited dating experience is the importance of compromise.  This truly applies to any relationship, be it a friendship or something more romantic.  In any relationship, no one is going to get their way 100% of the time.  Both parties have to be willing to compromise and occasionally make sacrifices for the greater health of the relationship.  I have found that a good indicator of my feelings towards a new someone in my life is how willing, subconsciously, I am to make compromises and sacrifices.  Most of the time these decisions and actions are subconscious for me, as I don't realize until later that I've given up on something for the woman I'm seeing.

If my subconscious is guiding me to make these sacrifices for someone, I'm clearly into them.  On the flip side, if I'm not making these sacrifices, I've given myself an early indicator that I'm probably not interested in this person for the long haul.  It has taken me a long time to get to this point where I realize just what my brain is up to.  I've continued in relationships far too long because I didn't listen to the hints my mind was sending me.  Other times, I've given up quickly for superficial reasons when I didn't realize how into someone I really was.

I've seen both of these situations in the last couple days.  When I get back to Wisconsin, I will have a few quiet days to myself that I will use to watch some DVDs or play some games.  That's been my plan for those days for weeks and I'm really looking forward to those activities, but here come the proverbial wrenches.  Before I left for Florida, I went on a date with someone and it went pretty well.  Lots of laughing and mutual attraction were had, and tentative plans were made to get together again after my return to the frozen north.  We've been keeping in touch via e-mail and I can see from her messages that she's trying to get an afternoon of my "quiet time" for the two of us to do something.  I should be happy about this, but I'm resisting.  I don't want to give up that time.  As I mentioned, I'm really looking forward to that restful time alone after a very busy December.  On the flip side, I've also been keeping in touch via e-mail with another woman.  While there haven't been any hints yet at getting together during my "quiet time", things do appear to be moving in the direction of that possibility.  And I'm fine with it.  As much as I am looking forward to those DVDs and games, I would give them up in a second to spend a few hours with her.  I think I'm really into her, while my feelings for the other woman might not really be there.

While I've always believed that compromise is an important part of a relationship, I have never seen it helping to pull the strings of my decision-making process so early in a relationship.  Having two different women both vying for the same hours of my time and having two very different reactions to the same situation has helped me discover a little bit about how my mind works.  Even if neither of these two relationships turn into something more substantial, at least I've come away from them knowing a bit more about myself and how I think early in the courting phase.  Of course, my goal is to not have to use that bit of knowledge.  My goal is to turn one of these two fresh relationships into something a little more long-term.  And while I didn't realize it 24 hours ago, it appears that I do have a clear favorite.

It gets more awesome every time you watch it...

Besides being funny, this video is great to play a game of "Spot the Celeb" with.  There are a ton of people from television and movies that you'll probably recognize in this vid, many of which barely get on camera.

Dayman!  (Uhh ahhahh)
Fighter of the Nightman!  (Uhh ahhahh)
Defender of the sun!  (Uhh ahhahh)

You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone.